


I'm leaving you today

by lyrax



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Desperate Dean Winchester, Episode: s07e02 Hello Cruel World, Gen, Hallucinations, Hurt Sam Winchester, Sad Dean Winchester, Suicidal Sam Winchester, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 07:51:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14160153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyrax/pseuds/lyrax
Summary: Alternate ending for s07e02 Hello Cruel WorldAfter luring Sam to an abandoned warehouse, Lucifer is able to convince the hunter that Dean is not real. Sam does something drastic and Dean can't stop him this time.Warning for themes of suicide!





	1. There's nothing you can say

**Author's Note:**

> I really enjoy writing different versions and endings for episodes! (Usually they are sad and bloody and end with the death of a main character...I'm sorry)  
> So this deals with Sam's hallucinations of Lucifer and what might happen if Sam believed the devil on his shoulder a little more.  
> This story starts at the scene with Sam and Lucifer in the empty warehouse in 7x02.

„Oh come on, Sammy! Put that gun away, would you? It's childish to think you can shoot me.“  
Sam just pointed the gun at Lucifer and shot without hesitating for another second. The loud bang echoed through the empty warehouse. The devil just vanished, leaving nothing but dust flowing in the air. Startled by this sudden disappearance Sam turned around hectically, trying to find any signs of Lucifer who reappered behind him, giggling.  
„You are not real!“ Sam spit out and shut his eyes as tightly as he could. He tried to focus on something else and scanned his mind for anything but the cage, anything but the devil and the endless tortures.  
„Aaw, isn't he adorable?“ Lucifer mocked „You seriously think that you made it out of hell, don't you? Really, Sam?“  
Sam didn't answer, but he opened his eyes and glared at Lucifer through the tears that began to form. He wasn't sure what to think of that. He was here. Here with Dean and Bobby and it had to be real. Sam really wanted it to be real but he couldn't help but listen to the little voice in the back of his head whispering 'What if not? What if the devil is right?'.  
Lucifer came closer towards the hunter and grabbed his shoulders. Sam flinched and squeezed his eyes shut, again. It was childish to think that it would be of any use but he just couldn't help it. 'It's not real! He's not real! He's not real! But what if- ?'.  
„Do you really think it's possible to escape the deepest place of hell?“ Lucifers voice demanded.  
„Damn even I wouldn't have made it out if it hadn't been for you! Thanks for that, by the way. But I mean, come on, Sammy! Think about it for a second!“  
Opening his eyes, Sam winced at the close sight of Lucifer's face, which was only a few inches away from his own. He stumbled backwards and shook his head frantically.  
„No! Cas. Cas got me out. He saved me. He-.“ Sam's stammering was interrupted by Lucifer's hysterical laughter.  
„Cas? You think that Castiel, a simple angel and not even an important one, is strong enough to pull someone from the cage, which was constructed to capture an archangel? And you think he cares enough about you to give it a try? Oh you are so pathetic!“  
Sam turned around. He didn't want to see or hear the devil anymore.  
„Sam! Where are you going I just started to have fun!“  
Sam started to run towards the door. 'Dean' His brother was his only hope now. He had to make it back to Bobby's house.  
„Sam!“ Lucifer shouted after him „Sam don't make me angry. You know you can't escape me!“  
With that every exit from the building vanished, making Sam to come to a sudden halt. He turned around and without thinking about it he shot Lucifer again. The devil just disappeared for a second and appeared again. He left out a heavy sigh and studied his fingernails.  
„You know, this is getting boring...“  
Sam shook his head as if he hoped it would cause Lucifer to go away.  
„You are not real! Dean is real! He has to be! It's the only way. I know it! Dean-“  
Lucifer raised an eyebrow.  
„Really?“  
Without hesitation Sam shot again and in that moment the devil transformed his face into Dean's and smirked.  
„No! No, stop it please!“ Sam practically begged now.  
„Come on. I just wanna show you how perfect my impersonation of your big brother is. Well, not that you haven't seen it before, right? You were lucky enough to experience it for quite a long time. Isn't that amazing?“  
Slowly he came closer towards Sam who moved backwards as fast as he could.  
„Sammy please. You have to believe me.“  
The hunter was confused. This couldn't be Dean, a second ago it looked like Lucifer. He started to panic as Lucifer (Dean?) came even closer, so he raised his gun and shot. Dean stumbled back and fell to the ground, blood slowly started to form a pool beneath his body.  
No. This wasn't real. This was Lucifer and not his brother. He saw him changing into Dean, right?  
„No. No, no, no.“ Sam crouched down next to the body and reached out with his shaking hand to touch his brother's face.  
Just as Sam was starting to believe that he actually just shot his own brother, the body disappered and Lucifer's laughter was once again audible behind him. Sam turned around and struggled to get to his feet again. He turned towards the devil, who had changed his appearence again.  
„See? It's so easy to mess with your funny little brain when it comes to your brother. You just wanted to be reunited with him so badly, I didn't even have to make it that realistic. You wanted to believe it, so you did.“  
Tears were now starting to stream down Sam's face. Lucifer had just achieved his goal. He didn't know what was real and what was a hallucination and he had no idea what to do.  
The devil smirked as he saw the confusion on Sam's face.  
„You want a way out?“ he asked. With his hand he formed a gun and held it under his chin. He tilted his head a little and waited for the hunter to understand the meaning of this gesture.  
Sam stared at him, then he looked at the weapon that was still resting in his hand. He lifted it and imitated Lucifer's gesture with it. When the barrel was resting under his chin the devil started to talk again.  
„Alright, Sammy. You know what to do. It's the only way to get rid of me. Just pull the trigger.“  
his voice was quiet, nearly soothing but Sam hesitated for a moment. His finger on the trigger trembled slightly and he tried to calm down.  
Suddenly a loud noise interrupted his thoughts and Sam nearly pulled the trigger because of it.  
„Sammy, stop!“  
Sam turned around to see his brother standing by the entrance, the door behind him slowly flying shut. First Dean didn't dare to move, too shocked to do so and afraid that Sam would do something stupid. Then he raised is hands in an assuring gesture and slowly began walking towards his brother.  
„Sam, come on. What are you doing sasquatch?“ he asked and tried to keep calm even if he was actually freaked out by the sight of his brother pointing a freaking gun at himself.  
„No, stop! Not him! Not Dean!“ Sam shouted at Lucifer who was standing at his side, watching the scene. Dean, of course, only saw Sam who shouted at an empty spot.  
„Sam?“ Dean continued to walk towards his brother, until he was only a few feet away from him.  
„Sammy? Come on, what's going on in that freaky head of yours?“  
„I- no! Stay where you are! Stop!“ Sam turned the gun from his head towards Dean.  
„Whoa, Sammy! Alright-“ Dean came to a halt and raised his hands a little more.  
„Listen to me, little brother. Whatever it is, we're going to figure it out, okay? Just like we always do.“ Dean cautiosly took a step closer to Sam. He hated being so far away from him when he was obviously in danger. 'In danger from himself' his mind added and he tried to get rid of the thought.  
But he immediately regretted moving closer when Sam turned the gun to point it at himself, again.  
„Sam, no! Please. Please stop it! I'm begging you, Sammy! Look at me!“ Dean shouted desperately and Sam looked at him. He had tears in his eyes and shook his head a little.  
„You're not Dean. Just stop it, okay? I know I can't be out! It's not real! It can't be!“  
Dean didn't know what to do. How do you convince someone that you're real if he thinks you're an illusion?  
„Sam please don't do anything stupid, okay? Just give me the gun! Sammy, please!“ Dean felt tears in his own eyes now, too.  
He blinked fast to stop them from falling. He couldn't break down. Not now. He had to focus on saving his brother.  
„No.“ Sam said, his voice firm. He closed his eyes. „I'm sorry, Dean.“ he whispered and a single tear made it's way down his face.  
Then he pulled the trigger.  
A loud bang occured and Sam collapsed to the ground.  
Dean just stood there, completely frozen. He was unable to grasp what just had happened. His brother lay on the floor, blood trickling from the back of his head. Dean felt numb. He couldn't hear anything, maybe because of the loud gunshot. Or maybe because of the shock of watching his little brother blowing his fucking brains out. After a few seconds he started to perceive the situation and it felt like pushing his head through the surface of water.  
He stumbled to the ground, towards Sam, and slumped down next to him.  
„Sammy?“ he asked, his voice shaking. It was absolutely useless and he knew it. Dean reached for his brother's face and tried to lift his head. Then he felt the huge hole at the back of Sam's head and nearly threw up next to the body.  
Sam's eyes, once sparkling and full of life, just stared inexpressive at the ceiling. The eyes he had rolled so often at some of the lame jokes Dean used to make.  
The hunter grabbed his brother's shoulders and shook them.  
„Sam? No. Don't do that to me you son of a bitch! Don't you dare to do that to me or I swear to god-“ Dean's voice broke and he started to sob. He pulled his brother into his lap and cradled him like he used to do when they were children and he had to comfort Sam after a nightmare.  
But this time it was him who had the nightmare.  
And it was one he couldn't wake up from.


	2. Goodbye, all you people

How did this happen? It couldn't be real. He couldn't lose him, not after everything they just went through. And most of all, not like this.  
Dean realized that Sam was still holding the gun in his limp hand. He reached for it and held it in his own hand. His eyes moved between Sam's still face and the weapon. A thought began to take form in his mind. What was the point in carrying on? In the part of a second he had lost everything worth living for so why should he keep figting now. What exactly was he fighting for?  
He was startled by the ringing of his phone.  
Bobby. He had completely forgotten about the older hunter and fumbled in his pocket to pull his phone out. The number on the screen confirmed his guess.  
When he answered the phone he was glad to hear Bobby's voice.  
„Dean. I need your help here. Get your brother and move your ass to the hospital, would ya?“  
Dean couldn't talk. There was a lump in his throat and he knew that he would only start sobbing again if he tried to say something.  
„Dean, come on. This is important ya idjit!“ Bobby grumbled.  
„Bobby-“ Dean swallowed before he continued talking „Bobby, it's Sam- He-“ he broke off.  
„What is it, son? What happened to Sam?“  
„Could you come here, please? I can't- I don't know what to do.“  
Bobby knew that something must be horribly wrong but he tried his best not to show his fear in his voice.  
„Sure, just tell me were you two are and I'll get to you as fast as I can.“  
„I'm in one of the empty warehouses just outside town... The one closest to your place. Just- hurry. Please, Bobby.“  
„Of course, son. Just hold on a little longer.“  
Dean slowly lowered his phone and looked at Sam again. He noticed that he still held the gun in his hand. He looked at it for a moment thinking about his options. Then he threw it as far away from him an Sam as he could. He grabbed Sam's limp body and pulled him up to his chest, holding him as tight as he could. Dean remained in that position for the next minutes, ignoring the blood he felt trickling down his back.  
After 15 minutes Bobby's car was audible outside and in the next moment the older hunter bursted through the door.  
„Dean! Sam! What happened, boys?“ he stopped abruptly when he saw the two of them sitting on the floor in an embrace.  
„What's going on here?“ Bobby asked, as he moved towards them. Dean looked up, tears on his face. Now Bobby was able to get a better look at Sam and what he saw made him gasp.  
The boy had a goddamn hole in his head.  
„Dean?“ He asked cautiosly „What- Who did this?“  
Instead of answering Dean just shook his head. After a few moments he seemed to be able to pull himself together and answered.  
„I don't know- I- I mean I just just came in here and Sam had a fucking gun pointed to his head. I think he saw Lucifer and he- he just- I couldn't stop him. I tried to talk to him but I couldn't stop him and he-“  
Bobby felt tears in his eyes but he ignored them for the moment. Later he would have time for that but not right now.  
„It's okay, son. You couldn't have done anything.“  
„I should have! I am his brother- I should have been able to stop him.“  
Bobby put a hand on Dean's shoulder and tried to get him to calm down a little. He knew that Dean was right. They both should have done something. Damn, the boy was practically his son and he didn't even notice that those hallucinations were that bad.  
„Come on. We should get him out of here don't ya think?“  
Dean took a deep breath to calm himself and nodded. Slowly he stood up and tried to pull Sam's limp body up with him. When he couldn't lift him he just sank back to the floor and buried his face in Sam's blood-stained hair.  
„Come on, Dean. Go to the car, I'll take him.“  
„No. No, he's my brother! I can do it. I have to-“ Dean choked out.  
„And he's practically my son. You don't have to do this, kid.“  
As a response Dean tried to lift Sam again, but he sank back to the floor like he did before. He was just too exhausted with emotion.  
Bobby crouched down and took Sam from Dean's arms into his, like he was a kid who just fell asleep on the couch. They made their way towards the truck, Dean walking close beside him as if he wanted to make sure that his brother didn't knock his head at the door frame. Bobby lay Sam down on the backseat of the car and moved to get behind the wheel himself when he realized that Dean made no attempt of getting in the truck. Bobby grabbed his arm.  
„Get in, son. You better don't drive on your own right now.“  
Dean felt numb as if he forgot how to move but he nodded slowly. To be honest he didn't care about his car or anything besides his dead little brother. First Cas, okay. He was his best friend but Dean tried to tell himself that the angel had betrayed them after all. He tried to tell himself that over and over again to make it a little easier. But Sam? He couldn't imagine to be without his little brother. Not again. He already lost him too many times. Cold oak. Hell. He kind of lost him again when he found out that Sam's soul was still in the cage. But it had never been like this. Sam just fucking shot himself! And Dean had no idea how he was supposed to handle this.  
The ride back to Bobby's was entirely quiet. Dean turned to look at the backseat every few seconds, clinging to the childish hope that Sam would stir and open his hazel eyes. Maybe it was all a dream. Maybe the next time Dean would turn around Sam would be smiling at him and bitching about him being ridiculously overprotective.  
When they arrived at the salvage yard Dean got out of the car, pulled Sam into his arms and carried him to the house without saying a word. He put Sam's body onto the couch, where his blood stained the blankets. He dragged a chair across the room next to the couch as if he was preparing for a wake. The whole situation reminded Bobby of Cold Oak and he didn't like that at all. He was afraid that Dean might be repeating his actions and make a deal or come up with another stupid idea to bing his little brother back to life.  
„Dean, I know what ya thinkin' about but-“  
Dean didn't react at all. He just continued to stare at Sam, his face blank.  
Bobby tried again, now he was getting angry.  
„Damnit, son. If you consider doing anything stupid just stop, alright? This is what got us into this messed up situation in the first place!“  
„So it's my fault.“  
„What? No ya idjit that's not what I meant!“  
„But you're right. This would not be happening if I had been able to let him go back then. No hell, no Ruby, no Cas, no Lucifer, no cage for Sam, no wall, no cracks,-. I know. I know it. It's just-“  
Without saying a word Bobby pulled Dean up from the chair and into his arms.  
„It's okay, son.“  
Dean wasn't even able to answer. It was not okay and they both knew it but Dean didn't have the energy to argue. He just started to sob quietly into Bobby's shoulder and was glad that he was there. They remained in that embrace for a long time hoping that it would make anything better.  
And maybe it would. Maybe they would get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the story! Reviews and Kudos are always appreciated! :)


End file.
